Stream of questions

I was poking around my notes and found this. I wrote it awhile ago. Even though I figured out what it was about, I love how universal yet personal the questions are. This could be about anything. 

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Just a stream of consciousness question fest. I am due for one. That old adage "raises more questions than answers" is an expansive thing to explore. I'm just not even gonna fuck with answers. All questions. No answers. Stewing in unknowingness. Swimming in confusion. Not clarifying anything, but paradoxically finding some peace. 

Have I considered the other point of view? How does that other point of view make me feel? If it's negative, why? Is it progression or regression? Am I seeing the expanse of "other" or just my consideration of some facet of it that sits most comfortably with me?

Am I allowing other people's opinions and biases and judgements interfere with what I am settling best with as truth?

Am I allowing that uncertainty to distract me from searching for further and deeper truths?

Will I know it when I find it?

Am I okay with feeling uncomfortable with an opinion different than mine? What if that opinion is less-informed than mine? What if the person expressing the opinion is coming from a place of defense of long-held beliefs? What if that person is sick and doesn't know better? What if I do know better? What if I don't? Does that make my opinion invalid?

What about passion? Why the fuck am I so amped about all of this, anyway? Does it feel like it's some sort of precipice we're edged onto and I feel connected to it somehow? Am I bored? Do I need to busy myself? Do I need to feel useful and informative?

Is it the future I'm scared of? Have I gone full armageddon with this scenario, fearing a complete and total wipe-out of this country? I do tend to think in extremes, don't I?

So if there's a middle ground for me, where is it? And is a middle ground even necessary? Do I need this fire? Is it serving some purpose? Is it helping me, or anyone? Can I balance it, and have I been?

Can I not be swept up in the distraction? Can I focus on the importance of what's happening and not be taken off on a whim by other, already disproven, stories? Do I need to crusade to correct every misrepresentation of truth I encounter? Is that my job or responsibility?

Is it possible to look at this from a human perspective or an energetic perspective? Does this need to happen? Is it a tipping point that I'm witnessing and that's why I'm worked up? 

Do I need to wrap this stream up in a neat little bow? 

Including results for transcendence.

12/28/13
1:43 am

I feel lost. I feel gross. I feel resentful, angry, worried, anxious.

I feel trapped, bogged-down, scattered. I feel like the clutter is creeping in and keeping me. I feel far away from myself. I feel like I've given up. I feel like I'm not good enough, not doing enough, not changing enough.

I feel like I'm not living up to my own expectations. I feel bored with my job. I feel alone. I feel chaotic, frantic, pissed-off. I feel like I have surrendered my life to some lesser version of me. I feel owned by my things. I feel isolated. I feel like darkness, like lying down and nothing. I feel like the world around me is buzzing full of life and light and energy and all I can do is be mud and hope. I feel uncomfortable, like this is not where I'm supposed to be or who I'm supposed to be. I feel behind in life. I feel pointless.

I am more than this. I am more than feelings. I am more than stuff. I can project. I can feel better, feel love, feel incredible. I can feel whole without illusion of acceptance. I can let it in. I can feel light. I can feel expansion. I can let the sun shine in. I can let others care and tend to me. I can open doors. I can give. I can love. I can give love. I can feel love.

I feel appreciation. I feel dawning. I feel gratitude. I feel absurd. I feel like a child. I feel like laughing. I feel like I just came out on the other side. I feel connection, thoughts, worth.

I feel settled, alarmed, patient. I feel wooed, strong, vibrant. I feel connected.

Thankful Grateful Courageous